new

some days, I just wish it could be
different...
I wish I could wake up and
reshape my life to how I picture it;
be who I wish I was, not what I am...
I wish I could go back,
erase my past, and just be, well,
new

I wish I could turn back time
and make myself shake off
that fidget-breeding fear
to look you in the eye-

to look you in the eye
and let myself see
the parts of me in you,
growing quietly, rhythmically
murmuring what was - IS
blatently obvious
-but I was deaf-
-I was scared of something new-

more scared to watch the
newness fade,
dulling to sad sourness
- scared to deal with the maybe
- of nothing after you-

I want to take a chance,
I just wish it hadn't taken so long