sinking

sometimes I have this feeling
when my heart is jumped into the air
within my ribs and is
suspended there,
not breating,
waiting
waiting

waiting

for just the right moment to plummet once more
finally
tearing itself
from my flesh
and running away

some days I want to believe
it is my own hand that
twists the knife
within my soul
for I cannot see it as you

you, my angel, my bright one,
would never do me harm

no, it must be I~
I'd rather writhe my hands
in self-hatred
than to hurt you


heart settles softly with a single
beat
back into her nest
for she realizes
finally
through all her paranoia,
nothing's amiss

12-12-1999